So Long Sentimental
by Subkulture
Summary: A recount of a relationship through the eyes of a man desperate to save his other/Complete


**So Long Sentimental**  
_-Fairy Tail-_

A/N: The story is not in chronological order.

**-SLS-**

Natsu crawled off the train, body aching and stomach doing uncomfortable flips. Behind him, Gray made an indignant noise. The ice mage looked even more pale then Natsu did, but he wasn't the type to motion sick. In fact, during the entire mission, Gray hadn't been doing so well and Natsu wanted to get him to Porlyusica as soon as possible.

A blur of dark hair slipped past Natsu, doubled over on to the cobblestones, and retched. The fire mage sobered instantly, running to Gray side.

"I'm fine," the ice mage gasped between spasms. A string of drool connected him to the mess on the road which Natsu looked at pointedly. The vomit was pale and green, with swirls of red hidden within. A sight that would make even the strongest stomachs flip.

Natsu frowned at the others stubbornness. "Bullshit you're fine."

Gray open his mouth to spit something back, but another episode washed over him. Unconsciously, he wrapped his arms around himself, and had it not been for Natsu he would have a fallen into the pool of his own excretions.

When it was over, Gray pulled himself to his feet. Natsu, fully aware of Gray's pride, stepped back and watched the man's fight with gravity; which the mage wasn't long in loosing.

Gray fell and Natsu was there to catch him. Ignoring the vehement complaints that Gray spat, the fire mage heaved one of Gray's arms over his shoulder and began dragging him down the road./

.

/"_What the hell do you mean, we failed?" Gray cursed. In the seat next to him, Natsu heaved a small sigh. He couldn't believe that they had failed; couldn't fathom it. Not after all the hard work that they had put into it. In fact, they were both still bleeding. The ice mage was quick to let their employer hear his thoughts. "We've brought you the cup just like you asked. You said you didn't care how we got it. So _how did we fail_?"_

_The man before them didn't answer right away. But his snowy beard quivered with malcontent. "You spilt your blood in the cup. It is tainted and has become an object of grave peril."_

"_There is-" _

"You_ have committed an act of sacrilege upon this object and I want you _out of my house_!" _

_The ice mage was quick to obey. Niether man cared for the money, but each raged because of what that old man had pulled just so you wouldn't have to pay them. Either that or he was truly as religious, and pompous, as he appeared to be. _

_They reached the driveway before Gray stopped and screamed at the sky./_

_._

/"I can't help him."

"What the hell do you mean you can't help him?!" Natsu shouted, his voice cracking under the strain that he was feeling. Lucy, Happy and Erza had joined the two men at Porlyusica's. Now the three of them each wore a different expression. Each face had one thing in common, though, immense pain at the news.

Natsu was the only one that flipped. He blamed the fire that constantly burned inside him. He blamed that for the actions he took next too. Grabbing the old woman's coat with a sickening desperation, he cried out. "You have to help him! He'll fucking _die_ if you don't!"

Porlyusica slapped him. Hard. The fire mage recoiled, thrown to the floor by the force of the woman's hit. "I have done all I could but this disease is untreatable even by me. You're friend only has a few days left, I suggest that you make the most of it."

Her speech finished, the woman turned around and left the. Lucy broke then, tears streamed down her face even at Erza pulled the blonde to her shoulder. Happy curled up in Natsu's lap, clinging to the dragon scale scarf while the fire mage sat in shocked silence./

.

_/The train lurched under them and Natsu's stomach did an unwelcome flip. Above him he heard Gray smirk and though the dragon slayer wanted to get up and shout at his rival for being so cocky he didn't have the energy. Every movement cause him groan in agony and besides, the coolness of the ice mages lap was too inviting to pass up. _

_Lithe fingers combed through Natsu's hair, the tangled spikes being smoothed away into something less unruly. The fire mage smiled around the touch despite the illness in the rest of his of his body. He liked it when someone played with his hair, oddly enough. It was soothing. For all that he and Gray fought, the ice mage was always mindful of Natsu's problem; though he seemed to still enjoy complaining about it._

_The young slayer allowed those soothing fingers to lull him to sleep, the constant pitching of the train on the tracks forgot in a haze of tranquillity./_

_._

/He stood in the doorway looking down at his sick friend with his heart smothered in sorrow.

He couldn't accept that Gray was dying.

He couldn't and he wanted to run and scream until he found a cure. Yet Erza had told him to sit still. They had half the guild and Porlyusica herself on the case, they did not need Natsu. Gray needed Natsu. Though the red head had not said it outright Natsu knew what she meant. If Gray died before they found a cure Natsu should be by his side.

Still, this was painful. He could barely bring himself to enter the room. His feet got cold just thinking about it.

Gray no longer threw up. He no longer did much of anything, just laid there, too beaten to rise.

Natsu hated this.

Footsteps echoed in the hall behind him. The slayer (he didn't feel much like a slayer now, though) turned to find the medicine woman. She stood taller then Natsu – stood taller then many people. Her arms were folded and brow tied together in a perpetual knot.

"If you love them let them go," she whispered. If she hadn't been speaking from experience Natsu would have punched her then and there, mindless of her age.

"I can't do that."

"I know."

"Then-"

"Gray needs you by his side more then anyone else." Natsu gave her a puzzled look. "I know the relationship you two share, the blonde told me. If you're too scared to confront his death then he will never be able to be at peace."

Natsu's muscles knotted together as he watched her leave. He slipped around the door frame until there was a wall separating him and Gray, then he collapsed to the ground, head in hands. He hadn't cried since Porlyusica had told him Gray was dying, and no tears fell today either./

.

_/Natsu looked down at the ice mage sprawled out on his lap. If the situation had not been so dire then he would have laughed at this fact. The ice mage had always mocked his motion-sickness, but now his black hair was fanned out across his lap. _

_Gray's skin was clammy with sweat and the sickening colour of death; grey, like his name. Again, the situation would have been funny if it wasn't so sad. Natsu would have laughed if the skin colour had been cause by paint, or a spell on wrong. But that was not the case. Gray was sick. The fact just made Natsu sad. _

_The fire mage began combing his fingers through Gray's locks, hoping that it would sooth him like it soothed Natsu. It seemed to work. Gray's face, tight with pain, eased and the pinched lines smoothed over. He leaned into Natsu's touch, who met the tiny action with sad smile. _

_Then Gray grew tense with pain. The fire mage knew what would come next and dragged a bucket off the opposite seat, holding it under Gray for the mage to hurl into. His body spasmed and Natsu's grip tightened. _

_Once over, Gray pushed himself to his feet. They were almost to Magnolia. Then they could get proper help. _

"_I'm fine now," Gray rasped. Natsu knew he was lying./_

_._

/"Natsu, eat," Erza ordered.

Looking down at his plate, Natsu found his food untouched. How long had he been sitting there? He had been lost in the haze that Gray had left in him.

With little energy, he spooned some of the potatoes into his mouth, but he couldn't bring himself to chew, let alone swallow. After almost five minutes of sitting there, the food turned vile and the fire mage rushed to the garbage to spit it out. He sunk to the floor there, by the garbage can, legs too weak to carry him.

"Natsu?"

The dragon slayer looked up to find Lucy and Happy standing over him. Lucy wore a worried expression on her face and Happy's eyes had turned puffy and red from crying. He didn't know which one had spoke but he was well aware of the desperation that coated the word.

The tiny cat crawled up into Natsu's lap, and the pink headed mage stroked his fur. "Natsu," Happy started, his face buried in the mage's stomach. "Natsu please, you're scaring me. I don't want you to get sick too, but you're getting really skinny cause you don't eat, and your skin's pale, you're cold and I'm scared."

Happy's rambling scared Natsu. Scared him to the bone. He quickly apologized, but somewhere he knew that he wouldn't change. Food had begun tasting rotten to him, and the sun seared his flesh the fire fire never could.

"Natsu, getting yourself sick isn't going to make Gray any better. It will only make him worry more." Lucy murmured. Natsu knew that she was right./

_._

_/The two mages sat by the fire in silence. The only sound that could be heard was that of Gray's magic, as he cast the same spell over and over again. It sounded like a broken record and made a vein throb in Natsu's skull. _

_Finally he gave in. "Okay, what the hell are doing?" _

"_Trying to make ice that will never melt." _

_Natsu grinned ferociously, his mind quickly wondering. "That could be useful," he purred, smiling around his words._

_A chilly hard ball struck him in the head and the dragon slayer fell from the log he was perched on with a started cry. _

"_What the hell was that for?!" Natsu barked, fuming. _

_Gray laughed. "For being a pervert." _

_The laugh effectively dissipated Natsu's anger, but not his attack. He pounced on the ice mage without restraint and they both fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Together the rolled, each trying to get the upper hand over the other. Finally, Gray gave up, letting the tussle end with Natsu perched on his waist. _

"_I win." _

_Gray barked in laughter at the remark. "You should know by now that the one of bottom is always in charge," he said. It was his turn to grin around his words. _

_Natsu's laughter soon joined Gray's, who was rolling his hips suggestively. The fire mage responded by playfully nibbling the other's neck. The night got exciting from there, each mage was glad that they had went on the mission alone./_

_._

/The next day, Natsu walked into Gray's room with leaden feet. The ice mage was awake barely, and he followed Natsu across the room with tired eyes.

"Hey," he said when he stopped a Gray's bedside. Gray trying to mimic him, but he only managed to cough raggedly into the sheet. A trickle of blood chased down his chin to stain the fabric.

That was when Natsu broke.

He just couldn't stand it any more, his heart felt as if it had imploded in sorrow and it hurt so bad. One knee hit the bed while lost hands searched out Gray's. He needed something tangible to hold, something warm and human and _Gray's_. But what he found he didn't _want_ to believe was Gray's. The hand was flushed and carried the same texture of stone. There was no comfort in that hand. Only death.

Against the sheets, Natsu cried./

.

/"_We're leaving tomorrow?" Gray asked. He had his head propped up and against the headboard with only a pillow between him and the hard wood. _

"_Yup," Natsy replied drowsily. Gray always seemed more awake then him after. The dragon slayer didn't even seem to have the energy to roll off from where he collapsed. There was a sticky mess between him and Gray, but he opted to ignore it. _

_Gray grumbled about needing to wash. _

"_What would the girls say if they knew about this?" Gray asked with a smirk, wincing. _

"_Who cares," Natsu grinned. He kissed Gray chest, too worn out to stretch over the distance to reach the ice mage's lips. "They can find out later." _

"_We'll tell them tomorrow. Before we leave." _

"_Fine, fine." Natsu didn't care, not with the darkness already enclosing around him./_

_._

/Gray's body shook unnaturally. Porlyusica and Erza were both at his side, keeping his limbs down and trying to block Natsu from the sight. They weren't doing such a good job at the latter, Natsu could still see the saliva that foamed from Gray's mouth and the way his eyes had rolled back into his head.

When the seizure was over, Porlyusica left the room.

Natsu felt powerless. When she was gone, his punched the wall. Erza barely acknowledged the motion./

.

/"_Really?" _

_Gray shock his head in despair. Natsu knew that was what it was because he was feeling the same thing. Somehow they had expected Lucy to be shocked but faced with it, they didn't know how to act. Neither wanted to explain how this happened to her or anyone, after all. _

_Beside her Happy purred out his teases. It was oddly reassuring, but somehow it made them think he hadn't given the words a chance to sink in. That Natsu and Gray were, for the lack of a better word, lovers./_

.

/"How are you feeling?" Natsu asked, scared by how small he sounded, scared by how small Gray _looked_. Dark rims hung from his eyes and his skin had turned this sickly yellow colour that made Natsu wish he was still the deathly grey he was on the train. Somehow this made Natsu terrified to touch him. When he was the colour of stone at least he looked durable, now he just looked ill, like if one touched him he was begin to decay.

"I'm... fine, I guess." He wasn't fine. He had been lying this whole time and it hurt. Why couldn't he just say how bad he felt? Natsu wanted to truth! Not this denial. It was unbearable.

"Just stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop _lying_ to me! Just say this sucks, just say you hurt, just say... just..." Natsu sat on the bed, back to Gray and head in his hands. "This is torture. I hate watching you suffer but I hate you lying to me about it even more. Just tell me the fucking truth!"

Natsu felt a small hand on his back. Small. Everything about Gray had become small, from his voice to his presence in the room. The room, once so full just because Gray was there, now looked empty and obsolete. The fire mage turned around, taking the hand in his. With his other he cupped Gray's jaw, feeling how unnaturally warm the skin was.

"Of course it hurts," Gray muttered. "It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch but I don't want people to remember me like that. Like the person who bulks at a little pain."

"Don't talk like that. You're not going to die!"

"But I will."

The room was silent for a while. Natsu bent over Gray's chest, his eyes closed to the bare, yellow flesh. He kissed it slowly. Everything hurt.

"What's your favourite memory?" Gray asked after a while.

"What does-"

"Please," he whispered. His voice cracked, exposing his own fear. "I want to know."

Silence.

"It was when I found Igneel." More silence, then Gray made a noise to urge him on. "I was just a kid, about two or three, so I don't know how I remember it. I also don't know why I was in the forest, or what happened to my birth parents, I just remember stumbling through the woods and seeing red. He was so big, even then and he shown in the sun. Normally people would be scared of a dragon – he was all teeth and claws – but I didn't. Igneel didn't even know I was there until I had crawled between his paws and curled up." Natsu laughed then, laughed at his own story. Above his head he could feel Gray smiling. "He told me to go away."

Gray laughed then. It was a horrible choking sound that made Natsu sad, but the happiness in the ice mage's eyes was true.

When Natsu was still somewhere between awake and asleep he wondered why he hadn't asked for Gray's favourite memory. He wanted to know but somehow he felt it was too late to ask. Gray's fingers made tiny tracks through his hair, lulling him to sleep. Under his head, the ice mage's chest was barely breathing and somehow, some painful intuition, Natsu knew that in the morning Gray would be gone.

Natsu laid there on Gray's chest until he fell asleep. He had the feeling that Gray was still awake long after he himself had dozed off./

.

_/Their relationship started when Natsu kissed Gray. It wasn't a timid thing like most first kisses. It was powerful and possessive, like Natsu was telling Gray who he belonged to. Gray, in his true nature, hadn't relented easily. So even though their first kiss was short and powerful, their second was barely a __kiss at all. It was more of a battle, all teeth and tongues and short panting gasps that echoed through the lifeless forest. Because the second kiss was like that Natsu had known his feelings had been __returned./_

.

/Natsu thought about this time as he stared down at a crystal heart. It was made of ice that would never melt and was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, swirls of ice held the heart in a loving embrace while the heart itself was a cage for the most brilliant flame.

Holding the token close to his heart, he looked past it to the man lying on the bed. He skin was grey and the situation would have been funny in its irony if it hadn't been so sad. Natsu reached over and close the man's eyes, his sight blurred by tears that wouldn't fall.


End file.
